Enter sounds of the Twilight Zone Mona: waving the multicolored flashlight. Our
setting is a very boring planet in the middle of two points in the galaxy. This
planet is doomed for destruction by the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council to
make way for a hyperspatial express route that will run through our star system.
This is a special report from The United Relocation Committee in the hopes of
preparing the majority of the population for the inevitable move to Earth. This
report is designed to help with synthesizing our Altarian culture to that of the
Earth. Earth, as you all know, is the best chance for creating homeostatic
environment between two cultures, one of which is ours since theirs is
considered “Mostly Harmless” by some standards. We, as intelligent being on
our planet, must learn to live by a few of these new social rules that Earth
calls “ethics*”.(*said with a bit of an accent) We have set up a program so
that you may learn Earth customs and “ethics*” along with our most veteran
space explorer, Lieutenant Dodge de Neon, as he investigates Earth. The
countries that were selected were not at random. It is quite simple really, The
United Relocation Committee chose countries that are believed to be the purposed
accepting end of about 55.6% of all archaic signals that have, for some unknown
reason, been noticeable for twenty-three minutes on a few old broadcasting
channels that are still used to check for intelligent life on other planets. The
countries that have sent most of the broadcasting are believed not to need such
necessary visits as those on the receiving end because all these special
broadcasts will be aired every day between eight and ten d.m. in the hopes of
teaching everyone all about these countries with least amount of Altarian tax
dollars being spent. Focus in on the small car arriving in country a. Here is
our spatial habitual machine carrying Lieutenant de Neon to Earth. The first
country on our list is Pakistan. Oh, dear. The lieutenant is coming in too
fast!!!! Here on our screens in the studio I see that it is predicted that the
Habitual machine will hit that big round object hovering over the building…
The balloon pops and confetti flies. And the habitual machine does as it comes
to a complete stop. Norrenna comes out, throws open the rug, reaches behind her
and turns the car into another gear and pretends to make Islamic prayer out
loud. Brauer comes up to Norrenna and tries to speak with her explaining his
apology. Norrenna: Allah Hu ackbar, Allah hu ackbar…. Brauer: Sorry that I
caused such an accident. Norrenna: As-Saalam… Eid Mubarak Brauer. Teach me
some of your lanuage please. Norrenna: Bis-millah-heer-rah-mah-neer-rah-heem
Brauer: Bis-millah-heer-rah-mah-neer-rah-heem Norrenna: Hama-abne-sad-lejeelow.
Norrenna gives rug to Brauer. As they do this Norrenna places the small souvenir
in the rocket. And Brauer maneuvers the car up the ferry. Mona: I hope all of
you learned something. That was a religious prayer performed by almost ¼ of the
Earths population today because of the religious holiday Eidul-ad-haa, or
Festival of Sacrifice after two months and 10 days of the pilgrimage: Hajj..
Hama-abne-sad-lejeelow is Urdu for: take this with you. Urdu is the native
language of Pakistan. And here the spatial habitual machine is coming to its
next stop, Italy, the country that is next on the list. The vehicle comes off
the ferry and runs by the vines pulling some down with the magnet. Dominik comes
out and excited. Dominik: wow, you picked grapes. The first person to pick
grapes becomes the host for the Cupra Montana Grape Festival, one of the most
famous in the region. The occurs on the first Sunday of October. You may keep
the grapes so that you can eat on your journey. (translate into Italian if at
all possible.) Brauer: thank you for your cooperation. Good it is not vine
though, as I do not like it (say with monotone German accent) Mona: and the
translation for all of that is… (say in English) And as the Spatial Habitat
continues on its way north it arrives in the last designated country, Spain. As
the machine comes to a landing on this really big green thing we must prepare
for a good run. Oh, wait there are people on the big green thing. The machine
will try to slow down now to lower the risk of hitting the people. (the car
knocks the ball into the net) Uh, oh. Something was hit. I wonder what it could
be. Nacho comes out and screaming and yelling very excited Nacho: Wahoo, you won
the game for Spain. (shakes hand and jumps some more) Congratulations, you just
kept France from keeping the World Cup in Football. Now are international
relations are in tack. For your work you can have the ball, here you are. (in
spanish if possible) Brauer: thank you very much soccer player. ( the small ball
is placed in the rocket and the big one is given to Brauer who places it in the
big car before fixing the rocket for launch. (nacho must launch the rocket
unless brauer can do it from inside of the big car. as the rocket is being
prepared mona translates Mona: Wahoo, you won the game for Spain. (shakes hand
and jumps some more) Congratulations, you just kept France from keeping the
World Cup in Football. Now are international relations are in tack. For your
work you can have the ball, here you are. Mona: And now we prepare for the
spatial habitual machines return home, oh look at the wonder of the famous
planet: Damogran in the star system Sol.(Rocket lands) Congratulations
Lieutenant de Neon, Will you show us these souvenirs that you received? Here
won’t you place them on this display case? (mona points to a shelf behind her
where the globe is. Brauer places the souvenirs there) Brauer: I would rather
not as I become shy when placed in front of a camera but I will say that they
are all important for understanding the way of the planet Earth and each one now
has high sentimental value. Mona: okay then. In other news today, How to see the
Galaxy for Less than thirty Altarian Dollars a day! And the importance of a
towel when traveling through TIME.